Timothy Merrill

I'll Be Your Server

We just got back from Jose O'Shea's in west Denver. It's a cool little eaterie--been around for years.

I noticed again tonight, what I've noticed on other occasions. The wait staff these days really wants to let me know that they're there to serve.

Radical idea, huh.

This is what we heard at O'Shea's: "Hi, my name is Lisa, and I'll be taking care of you tonight."

Lisa is going to take care of me. That's fabulous!

A couple of nights ago at P.F. Chang's, Justin said that he'd be my "server" tonight! How cool is that?

What would happen if a stranger walked into church and someone came right up to him or her, and said, "Hi, my name is Allison, and I'll be taking care of you today"?

Wow!

Couldn't we just say that to each other once in a while? Hey--I'm here to serve you. I'll be your server today. I'm am gonna take care of you today.

And tomorrow.

And the next day.

Because, as a follower of the Servant, that's what I am all about.

Taking care of YOU!.

Chew that over for a while, and then think how radically that contrasts with the ME/MY/MINE Millennium we live in.

The contrast is startling. AND--here's the news flash--the corporate world gets it. The corporate world understands that they'd better rachet up customer service or customers will go to some one who "will take care of " them today.

What's your name? Who you gonna take care of today?

Boundary Education

Just a quick thought.

Got a four page form in the mail from the local association office of my denomination. It's an annual thing. I'm supposed to fill it out so that the powers that be know what I'm up to and can justify maintaining my standing in the association.

One question asked whether I had completed "Boundary Education" classes or whether I had taken some "boundary" training. And if so I was to forward the certificate of completion, or any other proofs I might have. And there was the warning that the day was soon coming when such education would be REQUIRED to maintain my clergy status with the association. A vote was coming soon.

Sigh.

I almost mailed them a copy of my diploma from seminary, and certificates of perfect attendance in Sunday School.

I mean, do we seriously believe that ANYONE inclinded to cross boundaries in the pastor-parishioner relationship will find that boundary education will enlighten them as to the error of this behavior? Is it remotely possible that a clergy person, a student of the word of God, years of theological education and formation isn't aware of what constitutes ethical behavior and what doesn't?

Do we really think that clergy is UNAWARE of what the boundaries are?

I don't want to set a bad example, but you're not going to find me in a boundary class. Ever. Period.

And the fact that such classes exist, is just sad, sad, sad.

You think that the Catholic clergy who violated boundaries were unaware of their sins? Not!

We need clergy who are daily in contemplative, obedient, and meaningful relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And if I'm not, if you're not, then you and I need a "come to Jesus" meeting, or get out of the ministry. We don't need a PC, Orwellian instructional period about how to hug someone and how not to hug someone.

Please.

It's Not Too Early to Think Stewardship

As I write, it is precisely 100 days until the Fall Stewardship Drive begins, if it begins October 1, as in many churches it does.

Yes, I know. Stewardship should be a 24/7/365 thing. But, as a matter of practice, come October 1, a lot of church in the U.S.A. will unfurl banners with themes, tithing charts, and Scripture verses. I offer, forthwith, some material that may be of help, to wit:

First, check out Robert Frank's new book Richistan. This is the country of the affluent, and there are more people in the country than you might think. The people who live in Richistan, according to Frank, are Richistanis.

Frank doesn't condemn the Richistanis; he simply reports the phenomenon, and he also notes that the Richistanis are promoting a new model of philanthropy. They tend NOT to give to charities--organizations with high overhead--but instead they run their own charities with the same business acumen and cachet that earned them their citizenship in Richistan in the first place.

Anyway, check it out. You might see more of this in Homiletics in the near future.

Second, brain researchers at the University of Oregon, have discovered that when people pay their taxes they derive pleasure from their action.

This is a part of a new science call neuroeconomics, a discipline that brings together economics, psychology, and neuroscience. I'm not going to go into the details. You can find them in the journal Science, an abstract of which can be found here.

But, if we experience pleasure paying our taxes to Caesar, how much pleasure do we experience when we pay our tithe to God?

Come on brethern and sistern! Let the preaching begin!

Two Hundred Posts

I noticed yesterday that I've racked up 200 posts to this blog in the 18 months I've been ranting and raving here.

So what?

No 'so what' except I'm fond of mileposts, or mile-markers. Signals along the way, even if they're meaningless ones.

Where I've been, where I might be going and so on.

Some of them I celebrate. Twenty-one, for example.

Some of them I mourn. Forty, for example.

Anyway, 200. And now it's forward and onward.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this. Sometimes I don't know. I don't want this blog to be the Seinfeld of blogging--a blog about nothing.

In the end, I suppose it could be like preaching. How many sermons have you preached over the years? Right. Me, too. Tons.

You hope that a few are spot on, and that the rest don't do too much damage.

The Hillary Model or the Laura Model?

I was watching some news show in passing, where the pressing question of the day was whether the country prefered the Hillary Clinton model or the Laura Bush model in their first ladies. The difference is so stark and obvious it doesn't need elaboration.

Me? I guess I prefer the Heidi Klum, Kate Moss, or Tyra Banks model--but that's a whole 'nother thread.

Listening to the pundits discuss Hilliary and Laura's tenure as America's First Lady, got me to thinking about Ruth Graham Bell, the wife of America's Pastor. The First Pastor's Wife, sort of. She dropped a lot of personal goals to be Billy's wife, and she let him do the preaching, and it was his dream, his calling, his ministry to which she surrendered because in the end, she believed it was her calling to do so.

Today, the spouse of a pastor isn't necessarily a woman. And if the spouse is male, the Ruth Bell Graham model is extremely unlikely. Yet, even if the pastor's spouse is indeed the pastor's wife, she's not likely to fit the Laura model or the Ruth model any more.

Bible Institutes and Bible Colleges sometimes had classes for women on how to be a good pastor's wife. At the very least, when you attended the annual conference of your denomination, a woman could catch a seminar on the same topic.

Today, wives have lives. They're in the work force, many of them professionals in their own right, and their own careers are not necessarily taking a back seat to that of their husband's. I guess it's all a part of the professionalization of the ministry.

Anyway, we mourn the death of Ruth Graham Bell. She was a old-fashioned pastor's wife, and she was good at it. Born in China, the daughter of medical missionary parents, (her father, Nelson Bell, was a surgeon who gave up a possible career as a pitcher in baseball to be a surgeon in China), she understood sacrifice. Billy Graham paid tribute to his wife of 63 years just a couple of weeks ago at the dedication of his library. Ruth was too ill to attend.

She was a great woman in her own right.

Oh, BTW, Hillary and Laura. A poll was taken on which model America prefers for their First Ladies. Overwhelmingly, the answer is:

Laura.

Let the deconstruction begin.

I Love Nancy Drew

Okay.

There's no reason for this blog except to make a confession. There's no real homiletical importance, no moral/ethical issue I'm raising. This is simply catharsis.

I love Nancy Drew.

When I was a kid I read every Drew brew that Carolyn Keene offered. The critics describe the Nancy Drew series as books that attracted a female audience. But I loved them. I never read The Hardy Boys books. Not a one. But I devoured the Nancy books.

And--[give me some air, please, breathe, breathe]--I like chick flicks.

I feel like a total Nancy. What can I say?

Will I like the movie that opens today?

I'm not sure I will even go see it. How can you import Nancy Drew from the 50s into the 00s? And Los Angeles instead of River Heights? Come on! And the trailers I've seen online and some of the reviews I've read suggest that Nancy Drew: Get a Clue is not much more than Clueless with a college education. Or high school education.

What-EV-ur!

So now you know.

Alli is Great!

Praise Alli!

I'm talking about the new anti-obesity pill that eats fat! It's now FDA approved and I saw my first commercial for it this morning.

You think this is going to help America stay thinner? I think not. I think we will eat MORE fat, and expect the pill to take care of the problem.

Thing is, the warning is clear. If you pray to Alli while eating a high fat meal, you may have trouble "controlling your stools" to use the verbiage of the manufacturer.

Ah, we love it when pills are able to solve our problems.

Didn't there used to be an expression, "Chill. Take a pill"?

Can't find it in the Bible.

The only pills for our ills there are the confession pill, the repentance pill, the restoration and restitution pills.

Those are hard pills to swallow.

Wife-Carrying Contest Coming Soon

The preacher asked her and she said I do/ The preacher asked me and she said yes he does too/ And the preacher said I pronounce you 99 to life/ Son, she's no lady/ she's your wife. --Lyle Lovett.

Those words come to mind as we prepare for Father's Day. They are apropos because in a couple of weeks organizers in Finland will be hosting competitors from Ireland, the U.K, the U.S.A. and elsewhere in their annual Wife-Carrying World Championship.

The rules are simple: The wife must weigh at least 49 kilos, about 108 lbs, which I regret to say, is a rule that eliminates me and my wife from the competetion. (Hey--my wife reads my blog on occasion). The wife must be carried successfuly around a 300 lb. obstacle course. The track runs over sand, grass, and asphalt surfaces, including two dry obstacles and two water pool obstacles.

You drop your svelte little wife, it's a 15 second penalty. And you can carry her any way you want as long as there is no assisting device, like a harness, for example. Most husbands us the "sack of potatoes" technique.

What does this have to do with Father's Day? Lots. For starters, one of the best ways to be a loving father is to be a loving husband first.

So don't be dropping your wife.

But there's a ton more in the Homiletics installment for this coming Sunday, June 17. Plus a treatment of the 1 Kings text on Naboth's vineyard that's unpacked via NBC's hit show, "Deal or No Deal?"

Sheriff Caves in to Hilton

I was in Houston, Texas, last week and part of my job was to sit with two granddaughters, ages 5 and 8, while Mom and Dad worked.

After only two days I managed to make them both hate me.

The oldest threw a hissy fit when--on her mom's instructions--I took her to Great Clips to get her bangs trimmed. This was quite beneath her; she was accustomed to a boutique barber, she said. She cried, hollered, pouted--the whole nine yards. Of course, I'd seen it all before. I raised her mother, and her mother's sister and brother. I knew what I was doing. She got her haircut and sat in the barber's chair for the entire 23 minutes.

Of course, if I had been the Sheriff in Los Angeles I would have let her off in 5 minutes.

The other granddaughter got sent out of a restaurant--with me--for misbehavin. She didn't get back in until she'd agreed to a major attitude adjustment.

That Paris Hilton could get out of jail free just because she hated it, hated the food--boo hoo--is absolutely unbelievable. She's going to be savaged in the media, and the Sheriff and the "panel of officials" should be strung up as well.

I hope that the good that comes out of this is that the parents in America will wake up to understand that they have the power, and they should be using it when their sons and daughters are 5 and 8, because when they're 15 and 18, if might be too late.

Fortunately 5 year old and 8 year old granddaughters have short memories.

They're crazy about me.

Me and My Weak Password

Actually, this problem to which I am about to refer is one that was brought to my attention by a girl blogging on MySpace or somewhere. I honestly can't remember. But I thought she had a point.

She noticed that when she went to web sites that required a user ID and a password that in some cases the security software actually rated the strength of her password! I had noticed this, too, which is why her comment piqued my curiosity.

For example, you input your user ID, and then you type in your password, let's say FRUITCAKE.

A RED warning pops us saying "Password WEAK." Or there might be a meter that judges the strength of your password.

Fortunately the password I now use a lot of the time is rated STRONG! Nice Green comforting color. STRONG! The password I use is: REV2HOPE.

(I'm kidding! What do you think I am, an idiot?!)

Anyway, I was cogitating on this curious little experience we all have in cyberspace, and wondered about theological passwords and their relative strengths. Like GOODWORKS, or BIGTITHER, or BIG$$$$, and so on.

Compared to, say, UNMERITEDGRACE, UNCONDLOVE, INCARNATION, and so on.

I'm still thinking, but I think there's a sermon there someone.

It might even get a Green STRONG rating...