Why Do Women Do It?

It’s been about a week since Mark Sanford gave a rambling explanation about his whereabouts in Argentina, and revealed that he had been utterly willing to throw away a promising political career, a marriage, a meaningful relationship with his four boys—for the love of a woman a continent away.

He’s not the first of people of his rank and prominence in public life, of course, to do so. One count has almost 30 people in the last 20 years or so who have similarly taken this risk. The list includes a sitting president, speaker of the house, presidential candidates, evangelical pastors, and so on.

One question that has been posed to me when I’ve been in conversation with people about Sanford’s affair, is: “Why do men do it?” Why are men willing to throw it all away when they’ve got to be aware of the huge potential for loss and suffering? They’ve got to be out of their minds.

Many answers: First, they are out of their minds. These decisions are not rational decisions. Sanford, for one, clearly was gripped by a passion that was not simply erotic, but one that touched the deepest part of his soul and heart. He was experiencing a passion, an emotion that perhaps he had never felt before. It was utterly transforming and exhilarating. He could not let that go.

Another is that these men, often charismatic leaders, are vulnerable to temptation and the opportunity to yield to temptation beyond our understanding.

Another explanation is that these men, most in professions of service, find their emotional reserves tapped beyond belief. The stress is incredible. And too often they find comfort and release not with the person who has been with them throughout their life’s journey, but with a third person profoundly removed and disconnected from any of it.

But my question is not why do men do it—we can come up with answers to that question. But why do women do it? Why does a woman with two teenage sons of her own agree to take up with the Governor of South Carolina? Why does a woman agree to consort with a presidential candidate (Edwards, Hart)? Why does a married staffer agree to have a liaison with a senator from Nevada? And so on.

Is it the need for validation? The need for a thrill and more excitement in their lives? Is it the need for understanding? The need for an escape from the mundane? The need to be noticed?

I don’t know.

I do know that these highly public embarrassments involve both genders.

This is not a male problem. Or a female one. It’s a human problem.

One suspects that most of us are practicing functional atheists. Sanford alluded to God and to his faith, as have others caught in this situation. We really do not believe in a God who holds us accountable, a God to whom we must answer some day. We don’t. We believe in a “buddy” God, who is loving and forgiving, and who’ll simply say, “Aw shucks, you’re only human,” and let it go at that.
We’re a people, ironically, who will work in a live of public service to improve and better the lot of others, but who are also willing to hurt and maim the people we love the most.

Go figure.

Comments

[brian bowen]

Timothy
once again a good one (provocative title) and i've asked myself that question, 'Why do the co-conspiritors join in?'.
But the grabber for me was the the 'buddy Jesus'! I've thought i'd write a book someday called "good-guy Jesus", about how many folks who would call themselves Christian, do so because - they 'know' they're NOT Jewish....and they 'know' they're not Muslim,... and they mostly agree with that Jesus guy (as Garrison Kelor says,"4 commandments and 6 reccomendations") but have never embraced Jesus as savior.....keep 'em comin' Brother!, blessings, b

[J. Weston, Machias Maine]

Ironically we do live in a world where we only hurt the ones we love, trust the ones that we don't know and for that, we get hurt ourselves and lose trust in everyone else. (The previous was just a random thought).

I cannot conceive how people can be atheist at all when it's abundantly clear that you cannot get something from nothing. The true atheist I have found particularly hard to convince, but to this day, I have turned many around to at least thinking that there is something to the truth of "you can't get something from nothing". The meaning behind this fundamental truth is the question that I bring to the atheist; Why does the universe exist at all? A house just doesn't appear on a lot out of no where. And to make something as big as the earth and the heavens, has to be something of power and grace, a perfect engineer. The intricacy of every living thing, the purpose that everything serves to everything else. The symbiotic relationship that everything shares. It's too perfect to be "just random".

As for "why do women do it". I can only theorize, it may be like the child that waits till the parent is out of the room to sneak that cookie out of the cookie jar or even the smart dog that sees that it's owners are away and then chews everything up in the house, but won't do it when the owners are there. They know it's wrong and if they did it in front of someone they knew, they would be scolded. We all take advantage of the free will that God gave to us at one time or another. Some people that have a higher power here on earth, feel that they have even more special privileges than "common" people. I really don't like to use the words "God complex" but there are those out there that feel this way and it's a shame. How many out there have just had the thought of wanting to be seen or be next to their favorite celebrity? What do they have that you don't that makes you feel this way? People flock to celebrities because of their social status. When a person from a third world country can get near a political figure from this country, unsavory thoughts cloud the mind and the judgment and things spiral downhill from there. They seem to ALWAYS get caught...Always. Just like these companies that have been in trouble lately with the SEC and the CEO's that have buried transactions, they always get caught. If your put into a position of power, powerful you may feel you are, but your not. There is always someone that is watching. So, why do they do it? I don't know for sure, but those are my thoughts on it.